Why Aren't Christians Better At Agreeing on and Following Biblical Principle?

"Jesus said, A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:34-35). 

When I read these words, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I can remember many times when I have been shown love and support from my Christian brothers and sisters. Even today, I rely on the relationships I have within the Christian community to help guide me, encourage me, and correct me. I think of these individuals as my extended family. And I have seen the organized church do some amazingly, sacrificial things for the world in the form of charity and support. Most charitable organizations are Christian. We are in the world adopting the orphans, feeding the widows, encouraging those in prison, rescuing the captives, freeing the slaves, and welcoming the alien.

On the other hand, I also have been greatly hurt by other Christians. I have witnessed pride and greed and lust and fearmongering and hatefulness and violence. "68 percent of church-going men and over 50 percent of pastors view porn on a regular basis. Of young Christian adults 18-24 years old, 76 percent actively search for porn" (Reference). And the #churchtoo movement has brought out many stories of priests, pastors, and church leaders grossly misusing their power to abuse those who trust them, and then of the demonic coverups and victim-blaming. (e.g. Protestant Abuse Scandals & Coverups, Catholic Church Abuse Scandals & Coverups)

When I look at these things, my heart hurts. I have to remind myself that Jesus warned us, saying, "Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves" (Matthew 7:15) and He encouraged us to be as "wise as serpents and as innocent as doves" (Matthew 10:16).

The part of me that wants to just go to church and trust those in charge to follow Christ authentically and lead well is checked by the reality that positions of power (even within the church) often breed narcissism and abusiveness. And it is commanded by God that I, as a believer, be aware and critically examine all those who would seek to be my spiritual teachers. And Paul gives us the following example to follow: "Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true" (Acts 17:11).

Unfortunately, Christians who regularly practice and apply critical thinking skills in the church (by asking tough questions or challenging traditional beliefs) are often demonized and labeled difficult, rebellious, having a "Jezebel" spirit, divisive, critical, and/or uncooperative (especially if that person happens to be female). Granted, there is a constructive way and a destructive way to go about challenging the status quo, but institutionalized religion, by its very structure and culture, discourages any and all critical examination. Indeed, the excuse of "protecting the ministry" has been used again and again to cover up terrible abuses, making it necessary for the victims to suffer in silence and, in some cases, carry all the blame. It is little wonder then that so few people are willing to voice opposition to false or dangerous teachings and practices within their churches (preferring just to leave), and why these evils are allowed to remain and worsen.

In this way, modern power structures associated with organized religion often create situations where wolves are bred, thrive unchecked, and destroy the flock. And while many believers think of their local churches as safe places (and perhaps they are) and call their churches "New Testament churches" or "Bible-based churches," the organized church structures we follow today are NOT based on sound biblical principles. 

I will be exploring this startling claim little by little in future posts, but basically: though the principles of loving one another, generosity, supporting one another, and gathering with other believers are Christ-centered, the way we go about practicing these things is often formulaic instead of Spirit-led and based on pagan or worldly organizational paradigms instead of on how Christ and the apostles set up the early church. We don't recognize this reality because we lack culturally and historically accurate translation and interpretation of Scripture, we refuse to do the research on our own or think critically, and we trust and value Christian tradition far more than Holy Spirit led relationship. When we allow what Jesus intended to be a Holy Spirit led relationship with our Creator turn into a religious, formulaic obligation, we completely miss the point, and we allow in evils that have no place in the body of Christ.

These are some of the frustrations I have with organized religion, as it is today (and I suspect why so many people are leaving the church). So I must ask myself:

Why Aren't Christians Better At Agreeing on and Following Biblical Principle?

After much thought and study, I've identified some of the issues that impede our proper understanding and application of biblical principles:

1. Lack of cultural understanding.

We simply do not understand how biblical people lived and interacted with one another. We don't understand the power structures, the unspoken manners and social skills, or the implicit references. Though much more of this information is available for study, the research is intensive and time-consuming, and few Christians take the time to do it, preferring instead to be spoon-fed by others. So the default position is to read the Bible and interpret it based on our modern, Western culture, which has created a great many flawed or blatantly false teachings. 

EXAMPLE: I have heard it claimed that Jesus and His disciple, John, were involved in a homosexual relationship, based on John 13:25 where it describes John "leaning back against Jesus." To the hyper-sexualized modern American observer, that kind of behavior would indeed indicate sexual intimacy. 

However, it was the custom of Jewish people, while celebrating the Passover, to gather with their families and follow a traditional ceremony of sorts. That ceremony included the washing of hands and feet, sitting down to a meal that consisted of some very specific foods, and gathering around the father to hear him tell the old story of God's deliverance. During this last part, the youngest child would sit on his/her father's lap. 

Jesus had designed His group of disciples like a kind of family--an early example of how the body of Christ (the ekklesia) is supposed to function. And at this final Passover meal, Jesus, a man in his 30s, was acting as father of this family. John was the youngest (probably in his late teens/early twenties). So, when John (by his own volition) leaned against Jesus, he was doing so out of filial devotion and affection and respect, not out of sexual desire. He was honoring a long-held tradition and behaving in a culturally acceptable manner for men of their positions and ages. 

Even today, other countries maintain cultural attitudes about acceptable, hetero-sexual male behavior are vastly different from ours. Heterosexual men in India, for example, hold hands while walking along. Italian men aren't afraid to greet one another with a kiss. Russians kiss one another three times on alternate cheeks in greeting. None of these behaviors are understood to be homosexual advances.

2. Lack of historical understanding.

The biblical people who wrote and received the Scriptural texts were part of a historical time period we will simply never experience for ourselves. They followed different religious and governmental structures. They had different lifestyles and responsibilities. They grew up with different stories and values and perspectives. To assume, then, that what they wrote (for one another, mostly) merely needs to be translated into English for us to fully understand it is incredibly short-sighted (especially given the fact that we rarely even read entire books or passages at a time, preferring instead to dip in for a verse or two at a time.)

EXAMPLE: Most modern churches (both Catholic and Protestant) uphold the stance that women should not be allowed to teach or have authority in church or in the home, and they believe it is a biblical teaching meant for all people, in all places, and at all times. They base this view on I Timothy 2:12. The NIV translates this verse: "I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet." However, the modern interpretation that negates women from leadership positions is mistaken in at least two ways, and both of these mistakes have to do with a lack of historical understanding and the very specific, historically-centered purpose of this particular passage.

The first mistake is the assumption that early believers belonged to organized churches that resemble ours today--complete with hired pastors/clergy, church buildings, 40-minute sermons, tithing, and a regular order of service. They didn't. In fact, the function of pastor wasn't a hired & trained position. Pastoring (meaning shepherding) might be performed by men or women, and it was fluid--something they did for a while and then moved on to another function, like evangelizing or prophesying or sharing a worship song. (More on that in a later post about pastors and clergy.)

The second mistake we make is by mistranslating and misinterpreting the verse by taking out of its historical context. The passage wasn't a prohibition against any and all women speaking or teaching during the gatherings of believers (which would contradict a great many biblical examples of women praised for doing just that), it was most likely directed at a specific person who was abusing her freedom and bringing pagan pre-gnostic teachings into the body of believers. Given the rest of the letter, the historical setting, the religious atmosphere, and the other textual references, this makes the most sense. Here's a great article by Marg Mowczko that explores this further.

3. Lack of literary understanding. 

Many believers simply don't have a good grasp on what the Bible is. We tend to think of it as one book instead of as 66 different writings by 40 or more authors. We think of it as an English text for modern readers instead of an ancient Hebrew, Aramiac, and Greek text directed at very specific audiences. We think of it as literal and instructional when, in fact, most of it is made up of historical record, poetic pros, parables, and letters. We think of it as "having been written for me," when, in fact, only certain parts were intended as direct messages, and those were addressed to specific people or groups. 

Not all of Scripture is directly applicable today or intended for all groups of people in all places and at all times. Though the facts are generally trustworthy* and teachings about how to be godly and Christ-centered are universally applicable and we can learn a great deal about God's character by reading about how He interacted with biblical people, much of Scripture is bound by culture, time, and place. (So, please don't build an ark or storm Jericho or try to find a donkey colt for Jesus. Those words weren't directed at us.)

4. The language barrier. We do not speak the kind of Hebrew or Greek or Aramaic that was used to write the Bible. And due to our lack of historical and cultural understanding, not one of our modern English Bible translations are 100% accurate. They all contain mistranslated and misleading passages. As a bi-lingual person who has served as a translator on numerous occasions, I am fully aware of how easily this can occur. Those individuals who have translated Scripture and/or created commentaries to interpret Scripture are not one of them without flaws, biases, or prejudices. Though I believe those who have taken on this task, on the whole, have intended to honor God's Word, subconscious errors can and have been made.

5. Pride, Bias, and Self-Centered Motives. Though we may not be aware of our biases or self-centered motives, they are a form of pride and have negatively affected the accuracy of our modern translations. Indeed, even overt, purposeful errors have been made in an effort to make the Bible align more closely with what we think it should say, so that our prejudices and greedy desires can find support in Scripture. This has been going on for millennia. Jeremiah records these words: "How can you say, 'We are wise, for we have the law of the Lord,' when actually the lying pen of the scribes has handled it falsely?" (Jer. 8:8)

EXAMPLE: A recent edition of the "unapologetically complementarian" English Standard Version of the Bible (ESV) has actually added the words to "contrary to" to Genesis 3:16, changing the text from, "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you" (NIV). The ESV changed it to "your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you." And they did this to make the passage appear as if it is man's God-given responsibility to master naturally wayward women.

(Crossway has come under a great deal of criticism for the ESV and has changed their minds on keeping this edition permanent, but little has actually been done to fix the problem. As I write this, the ESV online versions still contain this flaw and many more. More on that HERE.)

MORE EXAMPLES: In the 13th century AD, Aegidius, Archbishop of Bourges, Junia's name to Junias (in Romans 16:7), the masculine form of the name. And in the 16th century, Tyndale's Bible and Theodore of Mopsuestia changed Euodia and Syntyche's names (in Philippians 4:3) to the male forms, Euodias and Sintiches.

6. Reading too much in or leaving too much out.

Reading much in is when we assume the text means far more than it actually does, or that certain writings are far more authoritative than they actually are. We may even go so far as to take abstract principles and turn them into concrete, legalistic practices--in the hope that following extra rules will make us better Christians.

EXAMPLE: During the "400 years of silence" between the end of the Old Testament and the beginning of the New Testament, the Jewish religious elite worked feverishly to supply to the people what they thought God would be saying, if He would've been willing to say it. They created what we call the Mishnah, a collection of oral traditions and writings that dictate and prescribe precisely how Jews were to behave in order to accurately follow the Torah and please God. These intensely legalistic rules were accepted as inspired an authoritative. More on that HERE. We have done the same thing today by creating ridiculously restrictive dress codes (especially for women and girls), by dietary restrictions, or by assuming the denomination we attend is God's favorite.

We also tend to leave too much out. The main way we do this is by simply failing to read or apply Scriptural teachings in their appropriate contexts. We also make this mistake when we don't study the Bible and what it shows us about God's character as a whole.

EXAMPLE: Certain congregations believe it's wrong to use musical instruments to worship God, forgetting that this was a common, biblical practice, and that if God appreciated it in Old Testament times, He would probably appreciate it today. They also seem to forget that biblical teachings on worship in both Old and New Testaments focus on the condition of the heart, not on the style of music itself.

7. Loyalty to tradition. Tradition is an extremely powerful force. It connects us with our past, binds us to our families and communities, and helps us function as full members of the society in which we live. Christianity has incorporated many traditions in the last couple thousand years, some of which have biblical roots and some which do not. Though following tradition can be a very positive thing, sometimes tradition can obscure the fact that the Holy Spirit might be calling us to something different, deeper, and more authentic.

Jesus managed to follow some traditions well (like the Passover, although He certainly made it His own), while completely ignoring others. Being so counter-cultural made Him a target for some pretty nasty treatment, and we each intuitively know that the same thing could happen to us--even within the church--if we question long-held Christian traditions and teachings. Often, the first reaction we will encounter is defensiveness and, in extreme cases, a full out attack.

Our loyalty to our traditions can be so strong that we actually value and trust them more than we trust God's Word or the Holy Spirit's leading. And you will find that many times, the responses you get for asking tough questions are rebukes, pat answers, and proof-texted explanations instead of genuine dialog, biblical research, or prayer. Our loyalty to tradition and our own human-centered understandings often create an inability to humbly consider that the Holy Spirit might have more to teach us in that particular area.

8. Lack of critical thinking skills and logic. The human inability to be impartial and objective or apply logic in a charitable, reasonable way is absolutely epidemic. We argue about everything from which essential oil is the best to who has the most right to hate whatever president happens to be in office. Our arguments are emotional, intellectually dishonest, biased, ignorant, and logically flawed. We allow our pride and desire to win usurp God's call to listen well, be compassionate and empathetic, and hold to the truth. The outcome is a mess of confusion, frustration, and hatefulness that solves nothing and keeps us from learning, building healthy relationships, or hearing from God.

So How Can We Make it Better?

These human failures often lead to grossly mistaken understandings of God's purpose and message in the Bible. This is why we have so many different biblical translations and denominations. This is why formula and tradition has been allowed to usurp Holy Spirit led relationships and authenticity. This is why there is so much division in the body of Christ and such a lack of love and compassion for those outside the body of Christ.

However, I have to remind myself that God is capable of using flawed people to accomplish His purposes. There is still good in the world (His name is Jesus) and eventually He will help us see clearly. In the meantime, if I continue to chase after Him, He will keep showing me more of Himself and He might even use me to bless others along the way. One of my favorite passages is I Corinthians 1:26-31: 

^"Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: 'Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.'"

At the same time, though God can use us despite our flaws, we are NOT called to perpetuate or defend those flaws. II Corinthians 10:5 says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." And, Galatians 5:1 reads, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." And, even in the midst of a discussion on the value of submitting to legitimate authorities (such as government law), Peter tells us: "Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves" (I Peter 2:16). 

Some principles I've landed on through studying God's Word are as follows (in no particular order):

1. Recognize that God is ultimately in control and will have the final say.

2. Do not confuse evil or injustice or favoritism for God's will.

3. Though God can use flawed people and flawed organizations, the flaws themselves are not godly and should be identified and corrected. 

4. Study God's Word, its history, its people, its culture, and its languages, don't force it to say what it doesn't, and don't make assumptions based on modern, Western thinking. 

5. Value one another. Don't bicker about things that don't matter, but don't be afraid to discuss and tackle difficult topics in a charitable, honest way.

6. Don't say false things. If you're not sure, don't say it. Just don't.

7. Ask God for wisdom regularly. He'll deliver. (James 1:5)

8. Never sacrifice authentic, Christ-centered biblical principle for tradition.

Got any more? Feel free to comment.

* Some minor inconsistencies can be found in certain biblical passages in both the Old and New Testaments. However, these variations follow what is expected when gathering perspectives or recordings of an event by multiple witnesses or researchers. Therefore, these minute differences in detail actually lend credence to the veracity and historicity of the events themselves. 

8 Ways Women Can Kindly Demand Equal Treatment (At Home, At Work, At School, and In the Church)

This list could have been a lot longer! Men aren’t the only ones with sexist attitudes against women. We ladies were raised to believe these very same things about ourselves. As a society, we’ve (ironically) worked together to keep women “in their place.” But it’s time for that to change. We’ve seen the light—that women are, in fact, equal in value with men and equal image-bearers of our Creator. Scripture is clear that we have equal access to salvation, equal responsibility for the problems in the world, and an equal calling to minister to, nurture, and rescue the lost. It’s time to ask the Holy Spirit to illuminate the lies and half-truths about women’s value—and then confront them and reject them wherever they are found. Let us replace that which marginalizes and divides with that which unites us in love and respect. After all, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28).

1.      Stop asking permission.

     Let’s say you have a chance to hang out with your husband and you have an idea of something fun you’d like to do. How do you bring it up to him? Do you ask him permission, saying something like, “Hey, Joe, can we go see a movie tonight?” Or, “Is it okay if we go see that movie tonight?” If so, did you realize that, just by the way you’re phrasing the question, you are giving him the entire decision for what you hoped would be a joint activity? You’ve just posed a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question, and unless this is something you’ve both been wanting to do for a long time, he’s most likely going to say ‘no’—simply because his mind is probably somewhere else at the moment and it’s often hard for men to switch gears that fast. And, when he does say no, you’ll probably feel like he’s being controlling and doesn’t care about what you want—as if he denied you any say so (when you actually denied yourself!). Often, the little power struggles that drive women crazy are the ones we create ourselves when we subconsciously accept and maintain a subservient position. Next time you want something, try a different approach—an approach that solidifies your position as an equal. For example, “Hey, Joe, I was thinking we could go see a movie tonight. What do you think?” See the difference? Instead of putting the entire decision on him, you’re inviting him into a joint discussion as an equal partner in the activity. You’re actually honoring him by, one, taking the pressure off of him for coming up with every activity, two, by being willing to hear what he would like to do, three, by letting him know you’re wanting to spend more time with him, and four, by offering a chance to plan a relationship-building experience together. Whether you end up at the movie or having a quiet evening at home with some hot cocoa and a shared blanket, you’re far less likely to resent him at the end of the night.

2.      Stop apologizing for everything.

     If you spill hot coffee in someone’s lap or lose your temper and say something mean, by all means, apologize. However, if you’re late getting dinner on the table because you’ve been working hard all day, don’t apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong. Instead, ask the family to pull together and help. That’s what families are for. If you made a decision in good faith that your boss or husband doesn’t happen to agree with, don’t feel like you have to apologize for it. Just explain your reasons, if pressed, and/or offer to readjust where necessary. But, as an adult, you have both the right and the responsibility to make choices, recognizing that sometimes those choices may not be perfectly on point. That’s just being human. It’s not a failing of womanhood. So, don’t apologize for not having perfect judgment or insight in every situation. Just recognize the error and adjust as necessary. As a general rule, try to limit your apologies to moral failures or for causing someone harm (whether intentionally or not). Otherwise, admit the error, but don’t apologize for it. Just fix it. To apologize for every single failure is to reinforce the idea that it’s your job to be perfect, that the person you’re apologizing to is your moral authority or superior, and that, if you’re not perfect, then you’re somehow less valuable as a human being. All of these are lies. Don’t perpetuate them.

3.      Stop treating adults like children.

     Women (particularly, Christian women) often buy into the lie that it’s their job to be everyone else’s “helper.” (In fact, the word mistranslated as “suitable helper” in Gen. 2:18 actually means something more like man’s best match and mighty defender/rescuer.) While there’s something beautiful about a person (males and females) who has a servant’s heart, there’s something unhealthy and misfocused about someone who doesn’t know how to value their own time and resources or set healthy boundaries. Women tend to believe that, if there’s a need, it’s their job to fix it. (Which doesn’t reflect the best opinion of what the Holy Spirit is capable of….) This is particularly true when it comes to their husbands. Here’s a tip: If you truly respect your husband, you won’t feel the need to serve him hand and foot or come to his “rescue” every time he can’t find the ketchup. He’s an adult. Stop treating him like a child. Let him figure some things out for himself. He can do it. He can cook a meal. He can do a load of laundry. He can take care of his own children for an afternoon. (It’s not babysitting if it’s your own kids!) Stop jumping in and doing everything. Let him join you in the responsibilities of caring for the family, and you could even step up to the plate in areas of minor home repair and auto maintenance, for example, as needed. The point is, if you want a love and respect-based partnership instead of a servant/leader relationship with someone, don’t assume the role of a servant. After all, you’re not really helping anyone when you undermine their identity as adults by catering to them as if they’re toddlers. So, go ahead and see yourself as worthy of respect, behave in a manner worthy of respect, and you’re far more likely to gain respect. (And do the same for others!)

4.      Stop reducing your value to how you look.

       Though we hear this message often, far more often we hear the message that our bodies (and, hence, ourselves) were designed to be little more than playthings for men. That is a LIE! Don’t feed the lie by dressing in a way that invites attention to your body (and yourself) as a sexual object. Rather, make yourself beautiful from the inside out, recognizing that you were designed to be intelligent, competent, compassionate, diligent, clever, wise, strong, and Christ-like. Of course, at the end of the day, no matter what clothes you choose, it’s never your responsibility to keep men from lusting. That’s on them. But you do have the responsibility to recognize your own identity as an image-bearer of God and to let that identity influence every aspect of your life. God has given you far too many gifts for you to sift them down to just one—the way you look. When you see yourself as more than a body and choose to build good character, others will also begin to see the real YOU behind the pretty face.

5.      Recognize and confront sexual harassment.

     Looking back, I’m appalled at how often I endured or ignored sexual harassment. Why did I do it? Three really stupid reasons: One, I didn’t recognize it as sexual harassment, Two, I didn’t feel entitled to better treatment, and/or Three, I didn’t want to hurt the feelings of the person treating me like a piece of ___. (You fill in the blank.) As a society, sexual harassment against women is modeled and played out for us in so many different ways, we have started to see it as normal, healthy behavior—as if sexual harassment and even assault is some kind of legitimate courting ritual. It isn’t.

    Sexual harassment is the making of unwanted sexual advances or obscene remarks. So, if a guy you’ve never met approaches you with a skeezy, “Hey, Baby,” you know this interaction has already gone south. To him, you’re a sexual object, not a person. Examples of sexual harassment include everything from wolf calls to asking about your sexual history or fantasies to touching your hair, clothing or body. For a more detailed description, go to: http://www.un.org/womenwatch/osagi/pdf/whatissh.pdf. If someone (whether male or female) treats you this way, and you didn’t ask for it or don’t want it, it’s harassment, and it’s illegal. That person is not your friend. You are worth too much to become some disposable character in their sexual fantasies. Don’t worry about their feelings! (They obviously aren’t worried about yours!) Look them in the eye and clearly tell them to stop. A simple, “Please don’t speak to me that way,” should be enough, but if it isn’t, feel free to report them. But whatever you do, don’t just take it.

6.      Hold your head up, stand up straight, and look people in the eye.

     This might sound simplistic, but body language and eye contact are surprisingly powerful. If you carry yourself with an air of confidence, people will be less apt to think of you as beneath them, and their behavior towards you will adjust to those impressions. If you’re used to being walked on, overlooked, or marginalized, you have probably learned to keep your head down, talk quietly, and avoid eye-contact. It’s time to change that self-perception (because it’s based on a lie!) and practice a healthy, pro-active self-confidence. You don’t have to be the smartest, most attractive, or most talented person on the planet to stand alongside those who think they are. Just being you—a fully human being with inherent worth—is enough! No one—regardless of their posturing—is, at base, better than you. God made you in His own image to be YOU—a unique, non-reproducible way of reflecting His image to the world. So, when you start thinking about what you have to offer, don’t ignore God’s voice on the subject! As a child of God, you have Christ! I ask you, what better quality is there?

     “Where is the wise man? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not come to know God, God was well-pleased through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. For indeed Jews ask for signs and Greeks search for wisdom; but we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block and to Gentiles foolishness, but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men” (I Cor. 1:20-25).

7.      If possible, kindly replace sexist comments with egalitarian ones. Otherwise, flatly reject sexism.

      Sexist comments are so prevalent, we often fail to recognize them as such, but if they go unnoticed, their power to marginalize and silence half the population will continue unchecked. Because sexism is so prevalent in our society, both men and women use sexist comments without even realizing it. So, if you notice a sexist remark, simply kindly replace it with an egalitarian one. For example, if asked, “Can I speak to the man of the house?” Answer, “We’re both in charge of the house. How may I help you?” Or, if your pastor jokes, “I can see who wears the pants in your marriage,” you can respond with, “Actually, we both wear pants, we both care for the children, we both work hard, and we both love Jesus.”

      Other comments are harder to correct, such as those which deny you a voice or a promotion or an education based on your gender, or those which qualify as sexual harassment. For example, if you are told you won’t be considered for a promotion because the men in the office wouldn’t be able to respect a pretty woman as their boss, that’s grounds for lawsuit. Let’s say you’re cleaning a bottom shelf and your boss quips, “That’s where I like you. On your knees.” That’s sexual harassment. Also a lawsuit. Look them right in the eyes, calmly but clearly point out the sexism, and tell them you expect more respect in future. If they can’t comply, it’s time to find a good attorney.

8.      Embrace your femininity!

       Sadly, many women have been made to feel so devalued that they have adopted masculine behaviors. They may change everything from their clothing to their hairstyles to the way they walk and talk—just to blend in with the men. But to reject your own femininity is to implicitly accept and promote the idea that there’s something wrong with it. There is nothing wrong with femininity or womanliness or motherhood or sisterhood. You can wear a skirt (or not) and makeup (or not) and you should still be able to expect respect and recognition. You can be feminine, react in a way a woman would react, think in a way a woman would think—all without having to adjust it or apologize for it. Let’s say you’re sitting in a meeting where the plight of orphans is being discussed. You tear up because you identify with the trauma these children are experiencing. A man looks at you and says, “Are you going to be okay? Can you continue discussing this topic?” You can respond with, “The fact that I’m not okay with children being abandoned means I’m the perfect person to discuss this topic.” Don’t believe or perpetuate the notion that womanhood and femininity is somehow weaker or less capable or less valuable than masculinity. There is a great deal of power—life-changing, life-embracing power!—in the gifts women possess.