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However, I suspect that what most often happens is something less overt and intentional, but often no less dangerous. After all, manipulation can start off as something sincere and purely motivated. The monsters of today weren't born like that. Something happened to bring that about. And people who have an unhealthy need for constant affirmation are often drawn to positions where that need is filled.
Religious leaders receive pats on the back, public accolades, and praise from the congregation, in addition to having an audience of devoted followers showing up to listen to his thoughts and opinions with rapt attention for an hour every week. Even if he didn't start off with an ego issue, this kind of thing can quickly create a kind of celebrity goggles that makes us believe we're more important, more wise, less fallible, or even more "called" and "gifted" than we actually are. It also strips us of the normal checks and balances (pastors often complain they have no one with whom they can discuss their own struggles) and provides an environment where our darker desires and motivations have a place to grow unchecked.
My purpose here is NOT to suggest that every pastor or religious leader is out to manipulate you so they can go on to use or abuse you for their own selfish gain. Certainly, I've known many wonderful spiritual leaders, both male and female, who are completely others-centered and who lead and serve simply because they love Jesus and want to share His love with others. These kinds of people are approachable, teachable, humble, wise, encouraging, considerate, respectful, and full of integrity. They are open to honest discussion, welcome difficult questions, refrain from favoritism, avoid self-promotion, and readily admit mistakes.
The point I want to make here is this: the religious hierarchical organizational structures that have become part and parcel to how we "do church" often require manipulative tactics to succeed. Religious leaders of traditionally-styled, audience/performer church organizations regularly utilize them in one way or another. Not all of these tactics are particularly harmful (like playing "Come As You Are" during the alter call). However, it's important for those in attendance recognize the underlying subtext of what is spoken or done from the church's stage, so we can make informed decisions and avoid getting sucked into a commitment that doesn't come from the heart or that serves a purpose that isn't truly Christ-centered or Holy Spirit led.
I could make similar lists about nearly every aspect of "church life" (if that's what we want to call the spectator sport going on in most churches), but here I'm just going to point out a few common phrases I've heard repeatedly from pastors and lesser religious leaders who are trying to gain or maintain a following. My reason for listing them here is that they are often manipulative, at least at some level--meaning that the subtext and purpose behind them is, at base, to secure your allegiance, support, trust, admiration, and/or pity for the leader himself and his goals for the group. And though many leaders (like bosses, politicians, and teachers) may say these kinds of things, when a religious leader says them, there is always an underlying claim that God Himself is blessing, ordaining, or driving the show. So, if you disagree or question the leader, you're disagreeing with or questioning God. And THAT is the manipulative part.
So, here are a 10 examples of things pastors/religious leaders might say to their congregation/audience to secure a following for themselves (as God's representatives and/or "called" leaders.)
1."I've gone through seminary, been ordained, and have been in ministry for 11 years." In order to be hired into modern, organized, religious institutions, ministers have to "prove" to an elder board that they are sufficiently qualified to perform the functions of the job. Others are lone wolves, planting churches under their own authority. In both cases, they may repeatedly list their credentials and experience and/or tell inspiring stories of how God has mightily used them in past spiritual ministry situations. Though this may all be true, the reason religious leaders do this kind of self-promotion is so that the audience/congregation will trust them and choose to accept their leadership as God-ordained.
2. "I'm not the lead pastor of this church; Jesus is." Though it's honorable give God glory, this phrase does way more than that. First, and despite the disclaimer, it reminds the congregation that the person talking is, in fact, the lead pastor (that's a legal title complete with a pay package, job description, and hierarchical authority). If you were a visitor at that church, you would immediately know he was the lead pastor. Second, it cites Jesus Christ Himself as the source of the religious leader's authority over YOU, the congregation, and over everything that happens in that church or by the decision of the person making this statement.
3. "God orchestrated it so that you would be here today." This one is particularly clever, as it claims that God Himself wants you to be there, giving that person your attention and, hopefully, your allegiance. God Himself divinely intervened to prevent you from doing anything else (i.e. babysitting for the single mom next door, having a conversation with your daughter about the boy who broke her heart, helping that young couple jump their car in the Wal-Mart parking lot, etc.) because it was that important that you be here to hear this man speak and promote himself and his ministry to you. Hmm....
4. "I finally gave in and accepted God's call to be your pastor." What a guy, am I right? The best kind of leader is the reluctant leader--the person who doesn't want the accolade and the spiritual responsibility, but who eventually "follows God's call" to ministry. This is a guy you can trust, because he's not in it for the wrong reasons. After all, it was God Himself, who had to convince him to take this position of power and authority over you, so surely he's the right guy for the job. He didn't pick this; God did. ...Please forgive the thinly-veiled sarcasm. I do believe many a good-hearted person has had this kind of spiritual experience. However, a statement like this can easily be faked, and an experience like this may not be from God at all. Maybe God was actually saying "no," but the guy needed accolade so much that he spiritualized his power-grabbing journey. At base, this kind of statement is a way for the religious leader to, in a few short words, tell you he is a humble person and that it was God's idea that he be your leader. (So, if you don't follow the pastor, then you're not following ____. Can you guess? God! That's right. You're so smart.)
5. "As God called and directed Paul, He has also been calling and directing me to be a light in dark places." Now, most pastors are a little more subtle than this. But it's not unusual for a pastor to find some Bible hero--someone you already trust and admire--and compare themselves to that individual for the purpose of elevating themselves or spiritualizing their life experiences so that they appear to have been called or equipped or led by God to have authority over you.
6. "I have been working long hours and have been stretched very thin. My family sees little of me and I get very little sleep--all so that I can lead this ministry." This statement may indeed be true. But here's the rub: On the one hand, it reveals an unhealthy lack of balance in this person's life. If the "call" to be a pastor requires that he/she sacrifice family responsibilities or even healthy respite, that's a problem. Secondly, it's an appeal to you for pity, at the very least, so that compassion will further align you with this servant of God who is suffering so much on your behalf. It is also a veiled request for you to volunteer your time to help out, and it distances the pastor from his "flock" by implicitly telling you he is too busy to deal with you or your problems directly. Don't bother calling.
7. "Everything that happens in this church is based on Scripture." Certainly, any Christ-loving person looking for a church home wants this to be true, but consider the great many churches who claim to be "based on Scripture," yet can't seem to agree on even the simplest things. My point with this one isn't to disparage attempts to follow Biblical standards, rather, I merely want to encourage the church seeker to search Scripture itself and follow the Holy Spirit above whatever the guy behind the mic says. Every church I've visited has made this claim, but I've also spotted many a megalomaniac who has skillfully manipulated Scripture to gain power for themselves, engage in abuse or overlook it, and condemn any who oppose them. Buyer beware.
8. "Won't you catch the vision?" Whenever I've heard this type of statement, it was either from the lips of a new pastor, from a pastor whose following was slipping, or at the launch or promotion of some program or ministry effort. It's simultaneously a reinforcement of the speaker's validity as your inspired and God-ordained leader, a request for your compliance with the plan, and a call for you to donate your time, skills, and money. When you hear this one, just make sure you're clear (for yourself!) on whether or not the Holy Spirit is actually in charge. I once sat and listened to a lengthy pseudo-sermon about "kingdom building" (in which Jesus was never once mentioned) that culminated in the cry, "I'm on the boat! Are you on the boat?" I just thought, "Not if Jesus isn't on the boat."
9. "I'm not the minister, you are. I've been called to equip you to be ministers." This is a popular one and sincerely meant by a great many wonderful religious leaders; however, I'm not actually sure how biblically sound it is. Did New Testament churches actually function this way? They didn't have the church hierarchies, paid staff, or titles we have today. There was no "lead pastor" or weekly sermon or worship team. They didn't face front and watch a spiritualized performance; they faced one another around a meal. Pretty much nothing we do today resembles the Christian experience Paul and the other apostles set up. At that time, "church" didn't refer to an activity or a place or an event. It was the people, and every member was expected to exercise his or her gifts as equals. So, though this statement massages your egos as being God's ministers (which you are), it also makes a powerful claim about the speaker: God Himself has given you this intermediary person to teach you and train you to do God's work. Therefore, in order to be in line with what God wants of you, you must be willing to learn from and follow this person. My concern is not so much about where this particular ministry is going, but how did we get so far away from genuine New Testament modeled practice without anyone seeming to notice?
10. "God has called and gifted you in amazing ways to do the work of the Gospel." This statement is true, of course. In normal contexts, I have absolutely no problem with it. However, when spoken from the pulpit, I have a few questions: 1. Great, but what is this "work" you are wanting me to do? 2. I'm a female. Are you sure you actually believe that? Or is there a hidden caveat for me like, "As long a you stick to women's ministry, the nursery, or the kitchen?" 3. If we're ALL "called and gifted in amazing ways," why do only two or three of us have a voice in this Christian "family?"
I limited my list here to 10 statements that, when made from the pulpit, can be manipulative and, even if they don't turn out to be ultimately damaging, they most definitely reveal the speaker's intent to gain a following for himself (or herself.) There are many, many, MANY more, of course, but hopefully this list and explanation will help you identify some of those for yourselves.
Now perhaps you've heard some (or all) of these things before and your response is something like: "But I know Pastor Bill, and even though he's said some of these things, he is a wonderful man who loves God! You're just being hyper-critical and suspicious!"
Well, I am happy for you and certainly wouldn't argue with you. But note that what good, honorable religious leaders say to gain a following are often the SAME things self-centered, narcissistic, religious leaders say. And here's an interesting question for you: If Pastor Bill wasn't trying to appeal to an audience, earn a paycheck, or please the elder board but, rather, was just a wise, compassionate member of a family of believers (like in a small group or house church where every person was a fully-functioning member), would he ever NEED to say any of these things?
As far as being hyper-critical and suspicious, you're absolutely right. I am critical--at least, in the sense that I actively engage my ability for critical thinking. And I am suspicious. Unfortunately, I have to be in a world and culture where so many spiritually-veiled abuses have occurred, and you should be too. Just because someone has the title "pastor," doesn't mean you can trust that person. And it's not certainly ungodly to withhold your trust until you have gotten to know that person well. In fact, Scripture encourages this kind of wariness and scrutiny again and again. I'll leave you with the following passages to consider:
"These Jews were more receptive than those in Thessalonica, for they welcomed the message very eagerly and examined the scriptures every day to see whether these things were so," (Acts 17:11)
"Keep watch over yourselves and over all the flock, of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God that he obtained with the blood of his own Son. I know that after I have gone, savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock. Some even from your own group will come distorting the truth in order to entice the disciples to follow them," (Acts 20:28-30).
"But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive opinions. They will even deny the Master who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves. Even so, many will follow their licentious ways, and because of these teachers the way of truth will be maligned. And in their greed they will exploit you with deceptive words," (II Peter 2:1-3a).
"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves" (Matthew 7:15).
"But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you lock people out of the kingdom of heaven. For you do not go in yourselves, and when others are going in, you stop them. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cross sea and land to make a single convert, and you make the new convert twice as much a child of hell as yourselves," (Matthew 23:13-15).
"I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves" (Matthew 10:16).
"Do not listen to the words of the prophets who prophesy to you; they are deluding you. They speak visions of their own minds, not from the mouth of the Lord," (Jeremiah 23:16b).
"My hand will be against the prophets who see false visions and utter lying divinations," (Ezekiel 13:9a)
"For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and produce great signs and omens, to lead astray, if possible, even the elect," (Matthew 24:24).
"For the time is coming when people will not put up with sound doctrine, but having itching ears, they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own desires, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander away to myths," (II Timothy 4:3-4).
"Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God; for many false prophets have gone out into the world," (I John 4:1).
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