"Don't Judge Me."

I was watching a show the other day, called The Secret Lives of Women (one I probably shouldn't have been watching, truth be known) about "swingers"--couples who have sex with other couples. See, I always thought the word "swinger" meant someone who liked to dance a lot. Shows how naive I can be. Anyway, they engage in group sex, trans-gender sex, etc... I watched it until the end, waiting to see if they ever came on with a disclaimer of any sort about the ramifications of such a lifestyle. They didn't--not at all. Everything said was in full support of it. One lady actually said, "If you have a good marriage, this [having multiple sex partners] can make it stronger." (She wasn't married, by the way.) There were no warnings and barely a bit of cautionary advice. On the contrary, they were actually trying to get more people to try this lifestlye. Then, at the end, each of the three ladies got a chance to give her last little plug for swinging--and this is what one of them said, "People sometimes think what we do is immoral. It makes me sad when people judge me that way."

Whoa! Wait a minute! Since when do "thinking" and "judging" have the same definition? Who is judging her just by thinking that what she's doing is wrong? If I think murder is wrong does that mean I'm actually passing judgment over murderers? Certainly, not! What a rediculous notion! Furthermore, there are two completely different subjects here--the person and the act. She is insinuating that just because someone thinks her actions are wrong, that they are somehow passing judgement on her, the person. Nope! Two different mental functions entirely.

So, where does this idea come from? People have taken a verse out of the Bible and maligned it nearly beyond recognition. Here's the verse (in context, for a change):

Matthew 7:1-5 Jesus said, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Obviously, the "judging" referred to here has absolutely nothing to do with ignoring immorality (as Miss Swinger on the show seemed to believe), or Jesus wouldn't have gone on to give the proper method for helping a brother out of immorality. In fact, He doesn't even say, "Never judge". It actually seems like He's giving us guidelines to do it in correctness of heart. Still, since we rarely have perfectly pure intentions, it's safe to assume that this kind of judging is usually not a good idea--especially in light of the warning that He gives that if we act hypocritically, it will come back to bite us on the butt. It is clear, though, that we are supposed to help each other knock bad habits and encourage each other toward right living--just making sure that what we do is out of love and from a correct perspective (i.e. not being ourselves entrapped in the sin, therefore making ourselves hypocrites.) There are many passages, actually, that discuss this.

I went ahead and looked up the word for "judge" in this passage in the original Greek. The word is κρίνω, pronounced"kree-no", meaning: "distinquish, i.e. decided (mentally or judicially); by impl. to try, condemn, punish:--avenge, conclude, condemn, damn, decree, determine, esteem, judge, go to (sue at the) law, ordain, call in question, sentence to, think." Most of these words imply some kind of passing of judgement upon another person, as in condemning them, either mentally or in deed. We understand that we're not supposed to do that--that is, pass judgement upon others (the people) . This would be kind of like saying, "You're going to hell for that." Not only is such a phrase unlikely to receive any positive, healthy response, it isn't especially accurate, either.

Now that we know what we're not supposed to do, let's look and see what attitude we're suppposed to have toward the "act"--sinfulness. Notice, too, the context:

Romans 12:9-10 "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."


"Hate what is evil." Now, that's a pretty strong phrase. We're not supposed to ignore it, make excuses for it or pat it on the head. We're supposed to HATE it! Hate what is evil! How are we supposed to know right from wrong, though, if everyone around us is saying, "When you think what I'm doing is immoral, that means you're judging me"?


Here's a tip to survive this life and this century with your conscience intact: "DON'T ALLOW ANYONE TO STRIP AWAY YOUR ABILITY TO DISCERN BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG!"


I admit it: I think what these people on the show were doing is morally wrong. Not only that, it made my skin crawl; it was highly disgusting. The thought of sharing my husband with several women and a few men would be enough to make me go into a naseau coma, if there were such a thing. It's wrong; I hate it. But, I don't hate those people. Actually, quite the contrary, I wish for only their best. (Of course, my idea of what's best--a loving, open, dynamic relationship with God--and their idea of what's best--great sex with whoever walks in the door--are two different things.)

If it's wrong; it's wrong. Avoid it. You don't have to berate anyone else about it; just make sure you and those in your care avoid it. Don't apologize for your standards. Don't sacrifice your conscience on the altar of Political Correctness. Remember, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." That statement is very true. There's a trend in this nation that's telling us that truth is relative. "There's no absolute truth." Well, even that statment, "There's no abosolute truth", is an absolute statement. Recognize fraud when you see it. It's there.

Honestly, though, the only way you're going to keep a healthy conscience is to give it into the keeping of the only One who is truly good--God. We can be deceived; God can't be.